The Price Is Right

Naturally I missed at least one interesting New Year's Day event -- the Starz Mystery Channel's Vincent Price marathon today, with titles like William Castle's The Tingler, the it's-no-Mysterious-Island-but-it's-much-better-than-nothing Master of the World, the melancholy and chilling Last Man on Earth, a selection of his AIP Poe features, the 2nd Dr. Phibes movie, and a Night Gallery episode. Price, with the looks and presence of a matinee idol, came this close to becoming a traditional leading man, but instead lives on as the undisputed creepy and classy king of horror. Continuing until 6:30am tomorrow morning, this is definitely worth a look!

Visit their website for the complete schedule!

Here's a really nice Vincent Price fansite from April Finnegan.

And another great one from George Long, with links to Price TV listings.

 
Happy TV Not-All-New Year!

One of my favorite times to program something delightful was on New Year’s Eve, when I knew that many folks (including myself) would be home, searching desperately for something timeless and funny to help them through the transition into the next year. The Marx Brothers, the Hope and Crosby Road movies, Three Stooges…I programmed them all when I was in Los Angeles, and believe me, those were the days, my friends!

Nowadays, every cable network’s got a gimmick, or most of them anyway, and those that don’t, you wonder who’s asleep at the wheel. At the very least, New Year’s Eve is an opportunity to go a little sentimental, or merely mental, have a little fun, deliver a little comfort. We’ve got a real mixed bag this year that clearly illustrates the plethora of programming choices out there, and if you can’t find something you like, there’s always your trusty DVD player.

The conventional wisdom of doing something different on New Year’s Day comes from the football avalanche that keeps a large portion of viewers occupied, and though almost anything goes these days, the networks that can counter-program sports have a better chance of getting eyeballs. But who’s counting?

I’m just going to run through these alphabetically, and let’s hope something captures your particular Auld Lang Syne spirit. NYE is New Year’s Eve, NYD is New Year’s Day. I've also posted the networks' website links if you want more specific information.

A&E: NYE: 8p – 4am Playboy marathon. 8a – 8p Third Watch marathon.
Hubba Hubba! Learn all about Hefner’s brilliant empire on A&E with Playboy’s 50th Anniversary Celebration and Inside the Playboy Mansion, run several times. There’s more to the mystique than just those bunny ears. And on Thursday, the often-riveting and probably under-appreciated Third Watch goes the distance. The A&E website.


AMC: NYE: 12n – 1am Three Stooges Marathon NYD: Bang Bang Boom Movies. What are they thinking? They’ve got this thing scheduled all wrong. Stooges should continue all through Jan. 1st! Sad waste of timeless comedy, but better than nothing. For those of us who find it difficult, if not impossible, to watch the new AMC, with its frequent commercials and smug, know-nothing demographically-desirable on-air talent, a short interlude of Larry, Moe and Curly might just bring us back, at least for 13 hours. Could these be uncut? Hope so, and commercials between the two-reelers won’t be as annoying as during movies. And World War II movies on New Year’s Day? I think their Bang Bang Boom is a Bang Bang Bust. But don’t miss the Stooges as McSniff, McSnuff and McSnort in the hilarious short Pardon My Scotch at 4:25 on 12/31! The AMC website.


Animal Planet: NYE: 12n – 3a Crocodile Hunter marathon. NYD: 9a – 3a Animal Precinct/Animal Cops marathon. Though Steve Irwin isn’t quite the media sensation he was a few years ago, his shows are great entertainment and always fun to watch. This one is for the whole family. Can’t say I’d recommend AP's New Year’s Day line-up, though. Though I think Animal Precinct and Animal Cops are amazing shows and should be watched by everybody, they’re unfailing grim and downright unpleasant, though sometimes a just, though not always happy, ending comes about. Wow. People abusing animals is a little heavy for a day-long viewing experience, but this might spur some of you to make a resolution to volunteer with animal protection groups, if nothing else. The Animal Planet website.


Biography Channel: NYE: 8a – 4am Bio Rocks! Marathon. NYD: nothing special.
Replays of the sister network A&E's By Request specials with Elvis Costello, Hall & Oates, Chicago, Neil Diamond and the Bee Gees. Aging Baby Boomers unite; this is your musical home for the evening. The Biography Channel website.


Bravo: NYE: 7p – 6am Cirque Du Soleil marathon NYD: 1p- 12mid Queer Eye Marathon. From classy to campy, Bravo’s got it covered. At least Queer Eye is genuine anti-football counter-programming, and though watching Cirque on TV isn’t quite the same as being there, it’s better than going out to some lousy party. The Bravo website.


Comedy Central: NYE: 10p – 3am South Park marathon. NYD: 8a – 9p MAD TV marathon. Probably the closest thing we’ve got to ringing in the new year with anarchy, South Park is a great choice for comedy-loving stay-at-homes, plus it would look nifty parked on a TV set at a party. And the next day, Comedy introduces MAD TV to its line-up with a cast-hosted marathon. Long surpassing SNL as the sketch show to watch, this is a wonderful opportunity to catch up and snicker your way into 2004. Also, if you’ve never watched Chappelle’s Show, with hilarious comic Dave Chappelle, you can catch a couple of episodes at 3am following the NYE South Park-a-thon. The Comedy Central website.


Court TV: NYE: 7p – 1am Cops marathon. NYD: 9a – 4p NYPD Blue marathon. Though some folks think Cops is funnier than any sitcom, there but for the grace of something go all of us, if luck deserted us and circumstances went sour. Not so funny, but certainly riveting. NYPDB, while not the kind of show that works well in endless rerun regurgitation, is nevertheless a fine choice for viewing connoisseurs. The Court TV website.


Discovery: NYE: 8p – 2a Monster House marathon. NYD: 10a – 8p Myth Busters marathon. You just knew that somebody had to be rebuilding something on TV over New Year’s, and this is it. On Thursday, there’s a 10-hour marathon of the funny and fascinating Myth Busters show, where two guys debunk, via demonstrations, popular but not always true notions. The hosts are smart fellas, one of them gregarious and hilarious and the other dour and beret-ed, and the show is very entertaining and dare I say it, educational. The Discovery Channel website.


E! Network: NYD: 8a – 11pm Various specials marathon.
It can’t be right to watch this stuff, but at least E! knows how to put together a fast-paced pastiche of pop culture with their specials. Whether it’s the 101 Most Shocking Moments, Juiciest Hollywood Hook-ups or Biggest Celebrity Ooops, if you haven’t been reading your People or Entertainment Weekly for the past decade or so, consider this your refresher course. The E! website.


Food: NYE: 7p – 5a King of Iron Chefs marathon. NYD: 10a – 4a Unwrapped marathon. It’s been a while since Kaga and his cadre of photogenic chefs wokked their way to the top of the cult TV heap a few years ago, but the show is still a marvel of flash, excitement and delightfully weird English translation. Unwrapped, all about iconic American food favorites, is perennial TV host Marc Summers’ latest pop culture incarnation, and though after a while all the Hot Tamales, Cheez Whiz and Gummy Bears make you long for a plate of dry lettuce, it’s an gooey chewy way to say hi to 2004. The Food Network website.


Fox Movie Channel: NYE & NYD: 10a – 10am The Poseidon Adventure marathon.
What a movie! Upside down ocean liner, Carol Lynley in hot pants crooning, (er, lip-synching) "The Morning After," Gene Hackman dangling from a valve, Stella Stevens flashing her panties, Shelley Winters as Mrs. Rosen swimming her heart out, and of course the famous shot of the stunt person going belly up into the stained glass ceiling/floor. Plus the debut of a new documentary about the movie. At least there’s a real New Year’s Eve in the movie! The Fox Movie Channel website.


FX: NYD: 7a New Year’s Day of Firsts
FX highlights premiere episodes from shows in their line-up, including a whole bunch of In Living Color episodes starting at noon on Jan. 1st. The FX website.


Game Show Network: NYD: 9a – 4a $100,000 Pyramid marathon. NYD: 2p – 4am Lingo marathon. It’s not for everybody, but I can understand the appeal of watching old game shows. Comfort comes in many forms. The Game Show Network website.


Hallmark: NYE: 8a – 3a Matlock marathon. NYD: 8a – 10p Touched by an Angel marathon. Don’t say nobody’s running anything decent anymore, because you can’t get kinder and gentler than Hallmark’s Jan. 1st TbaA marathon. Case closed. Speaking of which, if Andy Griffith is your man, Matlock’s your choice on the 31st. The Hallmark website.


History Channel: NYE: 8p – 4am The History of Sex. NYD: 8a – 8p Wrath of God marathon. For a scurrilous though ultimately high-brow look at human reproduction, History is your destination. During the day on 12/31 they’ve also got an 8a – 7p marathon of their informative and always interesting Tactical to Practical series, too. And on NYD, it’s tornadoes, tsunamis and killer quakes, all the better to get you ready for Mother Nature's worst that’s sure to come in 2004. The History Channel website.


Oxygen: NYD: 10a – 6p Roseanne marathon.
Love her or hate her, you can’t escape her on Oxygen on Jan. 1st, plus you can watch 2 hours of Absolutely Fabulous starting at 8am, too. The latter show, though it was somewhat co-opted by gay male viewers when it became a sensation over here, is still a brilliant example of why great British comedy has got ours beat by a kilometer. The Oxygen website.


Sci Fi: NYE & NYD: 7:30am 12/31/03 – 6am 1/1/04 Twilight Zone marathon. 81 episodes, 46 (or so) hours of Rod Serling’s classic. This isn’t the first marathon of T Zone – that happened way back in the ‘80s on innovative independent stations like KTLA – but there’s almost no show that holds up as well, particularly an anthology. With no regular cast except Mr. Serling, TZ managed to be chilling, sentimental, and often hauntingly humane, and still remains so over forty years later. Check out SciFi’s schedule on their website for your favorite episodes.


SoapNet: NYD: 1p – 7p The Serial Bowl
Soap corrals Dynasty creator – and good sport -- Esther Shapiro to host this knowing and affectionate collection of the best catfights and confrontations from the show. The SoapNet website.


TechTV: NYE: 11p – 4a Unscrewed with Martin Sargent marathon. NYD: 1p – 7p Conspiracies marathon. In a cogent example of why TechTV is one of those networks that’s trying to figure out where to go, TechTV offers their own Martin Sargent in their geek talk show/comedy series, and then a bunch of documentaries that probably belong on another network. Not to say that they aren’t terrific, but TechTV doesn’t know whether to be for computer users, weirdos, just generally smart people, people who play videogames, or what. Being a little of all of them (I hope), I love the channel. However, anybody doing on-air on TechTV is about a million times smarter than anybody else on TV, so that’s a joy in itself. The TechTV website.


TLC: NYE: 6p – 2a For Better or Worse marathon. NYD: 9a – 3am Clean Sweep marathon. Fans of orange blossoms, yards and yards of lace and perfect couples will opt for TLC’s marathon of their wedding show For Better of Worse. And in what could turn out to be the most genuinely inspirational offering on Jan. 1st, they bring us Clean Sweep, the show about ending clutter in your home. Sounds like a good resolution to me. The TLC website.


Travel Channel: NYE: 6p – 3a Gambling marathon. NYD: 9a - ? Rose Parade.
If the tinkle of coins, the clatter of dice and the thrill of losing money is your bag, you’ll love The Travel Channel’s gambling special marathon. Travel is also airing the Tournament of Roses Parade, plus a preview and an encore, on NYD. The Travel Channel website.


Trio: NYE & NYD: Brilliant But Cancelled selection, miniseries.
Wish there were more going on there, but this is a nice chance to sample some rarely-seen TV. Plus, they’re running miniseries starting on Jan. 1st. The Trio website.


TV Land: NYD: 6a – 3:30am First Things First marathon.
First episodes from TV Land’s schedule. The TV Land website.


USA Network: NYE: 8a – 6a Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. NYD: 6a – 11p Monk marathon. Well, if grim, gritty and often gruesome crimes of abuse and the like feel like a good way to ring out the old year, this is your place! The show is good, though, and I’m always glad that USA has it instead of another network which shall go nameless. A little cheerier, by far, is their NYD marathon of Monk, which starts its new season on Jan. 16, by the way. The first season episodes are wonderful, the second a little less so, but I blame that on the Randy Newman theme song that was substituted for Jeff Beal’s Emmy-winning ditty. Changed the whole tenor of the show, I think, but Tony Shaloub and Bitty Schram are still a wonderful choice for NYD anti-football duty. The USA website.

VH1: NYE: 8a – 6a Various Specials. NYD: 6a – 1989 I Love the ‘80s marathon. Musical and other pop culture goes under the studious eye of the VH1 folks in two marathons that should ensure that viewers never get a glimpse of anything approaching real life. From the 100 Sexiest Artists to the 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders, and more than you need to know about the '80s, these breezy specials are the kind of wallow that might be ideal cure for pre and post New Year’s blues. The VH1 website.


There may be a few other interesting choices around, but if you haven't been enticed by any of the above, I think it's definitely time for a DVD!

Happy New Year!