Talking About Talk: Ellen vs. Sharon, or Our Miss Brooks vs. The Madwoman of Chaillot


I’ve been watching the syndicated The Sharon Osbourne Show and The Ellen DeGeneres Show off and on for a while now; though I’m happy to say that I’m not quite lonely enough to make it a daily habit, it’s perfectly understandable why a person could sit down and spend an hour with either of these two gals. They couldn’t be more different, but both of them are charming in their own way.

Sharon Osbourne probably wouldn’t be in the position of hosting her own talk show were it not for the one-year-wonder-hit (but still getting renewed despite the blaze-then-fizzle meteoric model of reality success) The Osbournes. She has MTV to thank –- along with her own personal grit and many years as one tough mutha of a rock manager –- for ending up like this, a would-be confidant to (hopefully) millions of stay-at-home women. Mrs. Osbourne is definitely a character, combining that proud-to-be-an-eccentric quality that seems to be innate in most Brits, with what appears to be a genuine interest in people, especially the handsome young actor/singer types she books on her show.

Some of that eccentricity manifests in her set design, a Victorian bordello cum post-war Britain menopausal woman’s dream mosh pit, complete with comfy couches and a big cushy bed where she conducts pajama-clad interviews with the aforementioned hunks. There’s more than a little predatory delight in her eyes as she lures one boy toy after another to her on-screen boudoir, and it’s kind of funny watching them squirm -- probably feigned, possibly not –- under her lascivious attention. This woman certainly has the life force within her, and after all she’s been through -- including her recent colon cancer -- and all she’s achieved –- being the brains and brawn behind Ozzy’s career –- if she wants to tweak (figuratively and literally) her guests, well, it’s a free country.

Sharon Osbourne’s show is a bit like Alice in Wonderland, with a canny yet a little out-there Alice meeting a plethora of guests who –- unlike Carroll’s Ms. Alice –- aren’t even close to matching her in wonderful strangeness. I honestly can’t quite imagine how this unusual talk show could become the choice of enough viewers to keep it going, but I wouldn’t bet against Sharon’s personal magnetism. Even more than Alice, I’d cast Sharon as the Talk TV version of Jean Girauodoux’s The Madwoman of Chaillot, the slightly odd older woman who is determined to restore beauty and happiness to the world. Even if it’s just her own little piece of the world –- her own set -– The Sharon Osbourne Show seems like it wants to do some of that, too.


And Ellen DeGeneres…well, Ellen is friendly, accessible, like your favorite gym teacher in high school, or maybe the funny lady chemistry teacher who made you like formulas in spite of it all. The Ellen DeGeneres Show is chatty, with guests like the girl who brings her singing parrot, or maybe she goes into the audience and plays funny little games with the folks. Ellen is quick and she’s amusing, and non-threatening, too, which is good when you’re joshing around with real people. There’s nothing the least bit weird or strange about Ellen, which is pretty interesting considering the brouhaha about her coming out back in 1997.

She’s not projecting anything here but her genial self, and that’s what her comedy has always been about, really, until she became a poster child for the cause. This is not an angry comic, or a biting, evil crone wreaking vengeance on a world that hates her; this is Ellen, an amiable Everywoman who’s just as happy to tell you about her battle with kitchen ants as she is making light of the hip-hop vernacular, though she clearly is a woman with a musical taste towards the adventurous. Before you know it, she’ll have Middle America getting jiggy with whatever she decides, and they’ll love it, because they love her.

So far, Ellen seems a little too down-to-earth to be completely comfortable with celebrity interviews, lacking the drooling pop culture fan mentality that permeated Rosie O’Donnell’s series, but she’ll no doubt work herself into the form as time goes by. Anybody as quick-witted and experienced as Ellen DeGeneres can clearly do anything she wants, and being Big Sister to America isn’t a bad role. If Sharon Osbourne is a slightly batty Madwoman, Ellen is pure Our Miss Brooks, a wisecracking, independent and genial hard-working woman who wants to bring out the best in her students…er, viewers. She’s not mysterious or threatening, she’s just Ellen.

TV is nothing if not about choices, and you couldn't find a more interesting viewing dilemma than Ellen or Sharon. Tape or TIVO, but don't miss them.


Visit the website for The Ellen DeGeneres Show here.

Luckily, Oxygen network replays the show M – F at 11pm, and Sundays at 10pm. The schedules seems to be a week behind the syndicated show.

You can learn all about The Sharon Osbourne Show at her website here.

And for a good article that shows a little of the woman behind the image, take a look at this article from Rolling Stone.

 
The Mullets are Cut

It was only a matter of time, but UPN has cut short The Mullets, removing the show from their line-up as of tonight. They've also said it's possible that the show could return someplace, sometime in the future, as there are seven unaired episodes, but I won't be holding my breath for that. I loved the show, but this cancellation just leaves me utterly free to watch Fox's 24 when it comes back next week. The Mullets was doomed from the beginning, from its slot on the underachieving UPN, to its unusual comic concept, right to its unabashed celebration of trash culture. I'll miss those silly, slaphappy Mullet boys!

And More From The We're Outta Here (Maybe) File

NBC has officially nixed Coupling from its Thursday night sweep line-up, opting to fill the 9:30pm slot with Scrubs, which moves from 8:30pm, where Friends encores will run. Coupling WILL run this coming Thursday night, however, in a new episode, and new also in that it's one that isn't directly taken from a British episode, which would at least stop the inevitable unflattering comparisons.

NBC is also doing more changes, moving Third Watch from Monday to Friday night at 10pm, thus for at least the time being definitely holding Boomtown off the sked. Filling the Monday 10pm slot is a Kathy Griffin (ugh!) hosted dating reality show which has been sitting -- rotting? -- on the shelf for half a year. Average Joe features a beauty queen/cheerleader who thinks she's going to be on a dating show with lots of cute guys, but...wait for it...they're actually average-looking! Can she handle the horror? What a nasty concept that is, and how completely a little late to the party is the whole show, what with the new Joe Millionaire skein bowing to stinky numbers.

And Kathy Griffin? My god...talk about the horror! I'm trying to recall if it was on E! that I watched a little of some kind of profile of her -- right, it was on a show about celebrity assistants -- and she was pathetically unfunny and about as unlikable a personality as I've ever seen. Sure...she was only kidding about being a bossy bitch. Nah -- she's not that good an actress. The only interesting thing I ever saw her on was an X Files episode where she was a freaked-out insane twin. Yes, I know she's supposed to be hilarious and talented, but I think she's a total unamusing harpy.

NBC's also slotting some Las Vegas encores into the 8pm Saturday slot, then stuffing the rest of the evening with repeats from the various Law & Order series. Good move on Las Vegas, unimaginative but understandable one on the Law & Orders.

And what are they doing with Miss Match on Friday nights? First she's in at 8pm, then she's moved to 9pm, she's a single run, she's a double run; latest word seems to be that the show is back in at 8pm with Dateline at 9pm. Joan of Arcadia is just getting stronger, and I hate to see Miss Match duking it out there. Friday is rather a mess for NBC, with CBS's new strength and ABC's reborn TGIF comedy block knocking them back, and it's unfortunate that sweet little Alicia Silverstone's on the stake for this one.

 
From The Everything Old is New Again Department

ABC announced today that they'll be bringing a scripted hour drama reminiscent of Survivor -- deserted island, diverse cast, fight for life -- to the 2004 season. The tentative title of the new project is Nowhere, and while they swear it won't be Gilligan's Island, those of old enough to remember practically EVERYTHING recall a short-lived ABC drama from 1969 entitled The New People.

Nowhere is described by Variety as "what happens when 35 people survive a horrific plane crash, find themselves stranded on a Pacific island and are forced to build a new society." To quote the great TV Tome website, "The New People was an Aaron Spelling production about a group of college students who, on their way home from a cultural exchange trip to SE Asia, crashed on a deserted South Pacific island. The island had previously been used by the Atomic Energy Commission as a test site, and so was complete with buildings, cars, provisions, and test-dummy mannequins." And they have to build a new society.

Sprung from the hippie/youth rebellion gestalt of the late '60s, The New People was part of the small wave of shows -- all on ABC, btw -- that attempted to reflect the growing discontent of the younger generation. The Mod Squad the year before -- which worked -- and The Young Rebels a year after -- about teenagers during the Revolutionary War, which didn't -- were other examples of this laudable attempt to put on entertainment shows with an eye on older teen viewers. And in comedy, they had a five year run with the half-hour Room 222, the sitcom version of today's Boston Public, where committed teachers contended with the challenges at a modern high school. Another forward-thinking aspect to all these shows was a genuine attempt to integrate the casts, and while it may look like big business tokenism, it was ground-breaking and well ahead of most TV from the time.

We all know there's nothing new about desert islands -- just ask Robinson Crusoe or talk to Captain Bligh's mutineers -- but I think Nowhere, Survivor and The New People are further proof that producer Aaron Spelling knows -- and knew even back then -- just about everything that anybody ever needs to know about TV and what people want to watch. I hope somebody -- Trio, TV Land? -- will dust off the never-replayed episodes of TNP and give 'em a spin. You might call it camp, but it's TV history; as they say, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it, but sometimes repeats are precisely what TV is looking for.

Here's another great The New People website!