Miracles Didn’t Get One

ABC has officially taken Miracles off their Monday night schedule due to low audience response, but kudos to the network for at least trying it out. The Skeet Ulrich-starrer was a favorite of mine, perhaps more for the potential than the result, and I’m sad to see it go. Waaah!


What on Earth Could Be Scarier Than Shannon Doherty?

SciFi Channel’s newest series premieres tonight; it’s called Scare Tactics and I think it could be a lot of fun, at least the concept is imaginative. The producers claim to be creating mini-monster-movies using both knowing and unknowing participants, the latter set up by friends for a little spookhouse fun. Goodness knows hidden camera shows aren’t in short supply these days, but the science fiction scenario aspect makes it a fun fit for SciFi and it looks to have enough visceral thrills to fill a half hour.

Ms.Doherty evidently will not only serve as host but participate in some of the stunts, as herself (at some point one would assume she’ll run out of friends to alienate, but what the hell), and that sounds almost amusing. In the promos for the show, she’s appropriately sneering and seems the perfect sadistic little monster, which from past behavior sounds right up her alley. She’s definitely a bad girl, but maybe not such a bad sport if she lets herself get roughed up a bit on Scare Tactics.

Hey, I’m always up for a good monster, and SciFi is showing some smarts in attempting to tap into the science fiction zeitgeist and play off it. In a wise move, each half-hour show seems to have several segments; no long build-ups here and that’s great, because we’re dealing with archetypal motifs that won’t take long to establish. I imagine we’ll all know where these moments are going long before some of the participants do. The show is already a little infamous because of a lawsuit slapped on the channel by one of the duped after an alien encounter stunt; I would imagine most folks would happily take her place, but evidently the producers are doing more background sniffing before they spring their surprises now. I do wonder how long television will be able to get away with this – or any surprise scenario -- before there are no innocents left to fool. Probably much too long!

We’re a society that loves to be scared, as I keep hearing again and again on those Discovery Channel documentaries that try to explain why people love to ride on roller coasters. Anybody who watches CSI or its ilk need not turn up their noses at Scare Tactics; voyeuristic chills are truly in the eyes of the beholder. At least this one might have a sense of humor. Speaking of which -- humor, that is -- you can also catch the third episode of Tremors immediately preceding Scare Tactics. The show is spunky with an appealing goofiness, and should help generate some nice sampling for SciFi on Friday nights.

And if you’re looking for something suitably gruesome for your 8pm choice, turn over to Discovery for their special on the Fragonard Museum in Paris. Renowned for its collection of freak animal carcasses, the Fragonard also features horrifying but fascinating exhibits of flayed human beings in all their anatomical intricacy. C'est cie bon!

Scare Tactics premieres tonight at 10pm on SciFi, with another episode immediately following at 10:30pm, with frequent encores. Check out the SciFi Channel's website for the full schedule.

Tremors continues tonight at 9pm on SciFi.

Fragonard Museum: Medical Mysteries airs tonight at 8pm on Discovery, with an encore at 11pm.

 
King Conquest


One more bit of praise for The History Channel. As if Mail Call weren't enough excitement on Monday nights, the show that follows is also terrific. It’s Conquest, featuring actor/fightmaster/producer Peter Woodward, and usually revolves around Woodward and a band of regular folks learning all about different forms of ancient combat. After practicing with their swords, shields, tridents, rapiers and other assorted instruments of historic mayhem, they all dress up in period costume and go at it with their newfound skills. Episodes always take place in a setting that’s appropriate to the combat form, so when they start fighting more-or-less for real it definitely looks cool and is a lot of fun. Much as Mail Call is held together by R. Lee Ermey, Conquest wouldn’t be half the show without Peter Woodward’s droll and appealing presence. If you’re a science fiction fan you may know Mr. Woodward as the mysterious technomage character on the ill-fated Babylon 5 spin-off Crusade, but even he’s new to you, you’ll love his wonderful diction and witty commentary.

The show seems to have a particular following among gamers. I’ve been playing the addictive and damn hard Age of Mythology, and it’s always a kick to see a TV show that let’s me know how tough a fighter real Greek hoplite would have been, just as I’m being clobbered by an army of them on my computer. Tonight Mr. Woodward will be learning how to be a WWI fighter pilot, and then he’ll take on an opponent over the Pacific Ocean. Looks like he’ll be flying solo in this episode, but others airing this month will cover bow and arrows, hand-to-hand combat, and it’s really back to basics when the troupe takes on Stone Age combat.

Conquest is a lot of fun, and it’s a worthy partner to the incredible Mail Call. Also of interest tonight is the start of a five night, ten episode run of the best of Animal Precinct and Animal Cops on…wait for it…Animal Planet, what else. If you haven’t caught these two riveting hours and you like animals, take a look this week from 8pm – 10pm. I’m also hanging in there for ABC’s creepy Miracles, which airs at 10pm after The Practice. I particularly liked the episode a couple of weeks ago where the apparition of a little girl kept showing up just before accidents; the producers cleverly used the real life Hartford Circus Fire of 1944 and the mystery of Little Miss 1565, a Jane Doe who was never identified, to weave an intriguing tale of supernatural spookiness. At least they’re trying to be a little different, in a TV season where we only seem to be served up autopsies and amateur hours.

Conquest airs Mondays at 8:30pm and 12:30am, and Sundays 10:30pm and 2:30am on The History Channel.

The Ten Most Wanted from Animal Cops and Animal Precinct air this week from 8p – 10pm, 11p – 1am, and 3am – 5am Monday thru Friday on Animal Planet.

Miracles airs from 10p – 11pm Mondays on ABC.

And you can buy Age of Mythology at stores that sell computer games.